(Least) Favorite #18 – Bible Characters

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Summer 1884

Just like I expected, Melinda was more than ready for another afternoon ride, but only because the thermometer had dipped to the heavenly temperature of only 91 degrees. You bet that’s doable. Hey, if the ranch hands can fuss with fencing and ornery cattle in 90 degrees then I certainly can. A full canteen of iced lemonade also goes a long way to make the afternoon endurable. Because you know what? If I wait until the thermometer reads 85 or below, I’ll have to wait until mid-October. If Melinda is willing to ride in 91, then I am. Another fun California fact. It’s dry as a bone in the air. I’ve heard tell that 90 degrees down in those southern states is not to be endured. The humidity in the air makes you feel like you’re sweating all of the time. Not here. Our ride was near perfect, at least until we got on the subject of our least-favorite Bible character.

“Let’s agree not to use the devil as our least-favorite Bible character,” Melinda challenged. “That’s a given. He is the father of all lies and is bent on doing what he can to destroy God’s favorite creation–us people.”

I agreed right away. Ever since Melinda challenged me to my least-favorite character last Saturday, I’d been thumbing through my Bible to see if one shouted out to me, “Pick me!” I didn’t want to pick the obvious ones, either. Nobody cares much for Judas Iscariot, on account of he sold out the Messiah for 30 lousy pieces of silver. The thing that always troubled me is . . . the other disciples had no idea this sneaky scoundrel was in their midst. I also didn’t want to choose Goliath, that giant Philistine, or any of the enemies of God and Israel. So I dug deeper.

“You go first,” I told Melinda. She seemed eager to share, and I was not surprised with her choice of least-favorite character.

MELINDA’S LEAST-FAVORITE BIBLE CHARACTER – JEZEBEL

“You know how much I adore Queen Esther,” she started. “My least favorite character was also a queen. A selfish, wicked queen named Jezebel.” She shuddered in spite of the heat. “She probably had the most beautiful wardrobe in all of Israel, but pretty clothes can never hide a wicked heart.” She paused. “She caused King Ahab to turn completely away from God when she introduced Baal worship.”

“Well,” I put in. “It’s not like Ahab was a wonderful, God-fearing king to start with. ” I wrinkled my forehead in thought. “In fact, my Sunday school teacher told me that once Israel and Judah split up, there was never a decent/godly king in the northern kingdom.” I made a face. “I’m glad I didn’t live anywhere near that kingdom back then.”

Melinda nodded. “Very true, but Jezebel just made it worse. Any prophets of Yahweh she put to death faster than her henchmen could swing a sword. She hated the prophet Elijah so much that she vowed to kill him.”

“Nothing new for Elijah,” I said, chuckling.

“I don’t think it’s funny,” Melinda said. “I’d be pretty scared if I were Elijah, even after God showed His prophet miracle after miracle.” She sighed. “But ol’ Jezebel got what was coming to her.” She sounded just like Chad right then. “She was thrown from a window and died, and she didn’t even get buried. I guess the dogs got her. Anyway, she’s my least favorite character. If she had repented and turned to the true and living God, Jezebel could have been a powerful influence for good with her husband the king. But she just got worse and worse.”

Melinda was so right. How easy it is to influence people for evil, and how hard it is to influence people for good.

“Your turn,” Melinda piped up. She shaded her eyes to block the blistering sun. “It’s about time we turned around.” We turned Taffy and Panda in a wide circle and started back to the ranch.

ANDI’S LEAST-FAVORITE BIBLE CHARACTER – BALAAM

“I bet you’ll never guess one of the characters I like least.” I grinned at Melinda.

She shrugged. “Andi, I can never guess what you are thinking. Is it…” she giggled “…the great fish that swallowed Jonah and then vomited him up on land? Ewww.”

“No, silly! An animal only does what God says, so the big fish is not my least-favorite character.”

Well, spill it!”

“It’s … Balaam.”

Melinda looked puzzled. “Balaam? The man who was hired to curse the people of Israel?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

“Yes, that’s bad. He should not have even been tempted to do such a thing.” Melinda’s voice sounded disgusted.

“But that’s not why I don’t like him,” I told her. She gave me a look that read go on, so I did. “He BEAT HIS DONKEY!” There. I yelled it. “How cruel could a person be to hit a dumb animal? The poor donkey was just trying to avoid the angel, the one she could see and Balaam couldn’t.”

Melinda was silent.

“The donkey is almost one of my favorite characters,” I went on before Melinda could interrupt. “She even talked. Better yet, a donkey got to see what that self-righteous, self-important Balaam could not see, the Angel of the Lord. No wonder the poor animal was scared, probably half out of her wits. And then to add insult to injury, Balaam kept hitting her because he was so mad that his mount had bashed him against a rock wall.” Andi laughed. “Good ol’ donkey!”

Melinda nodded. “I understand. Balaam is rather an obscure Bible character, but I can understand why you chose him. You and Chad get very upset–more than most–when either of you see a horse mistreated. You jump in and try to right the wrong.”

“Yes, I do!”

“And it’s gotten you into all kinds of trouble, hasn’t it?”

The memory of me jumping in to rescue Taffy from that despicable Felicity Livingston all those years ago brought a hot flush to my already heat-flushed cheeks. Yep, I got myself into all kinds of trouble back then. “I would do it again,” I snapped. Not at Melinda, but at the dark memory. “Even if somebody laid four more strikes on my back.”

“I believe you would,” Melinda said softly. Just then, far off in the distance, the clang of the triangle dinner bell calling the hands to the cook shack floated on the air. It was dim but recognizable. “Say, we’d better get going. Our supper doesn’t come much later than Cook calling the hands, and I bet Mother and Luisa would appreciate our help.”

I knew Melinda spoke the truth. It was too hot to race, so I simply nodded, gently tapped Shasta in the flank, and urged him home. Melinda and I pulled up to the horse barn at exactly the same time.